I knew I was sunk when I went from a mental fence-sitter to a relatively quiet advocate of a certain presidential candidate. I didn’t set up a protest outside of my house, though.

Despite my asserted virtue (however ill thought at times) of not taking sides in many matters, there are of course many things that deserve a definitive view of being, for lack of better terms, “right” and “wrong.”

I’m not convinced the presidential election necessarily fits this mold, despite the fervent efforts of so many who have spent considerable effort advocating for one side or another.

After the 2004 election, a sunken advocate of the losing side entered my office clearly dejected. My response to him: “This is why I don’t get attached to outcomes.”

Which is what I consider to be the lesson now, just as it was then. The point isn’t who wins, it is how we manage our responses to who wins and who loses. Of course I have my favorites. But when the odds of something so portentous as a presidential election, with noted worldwide consequences, is at stake, there isn’t much an individual can do at the end of the day.

The election therefore becomes an opportunity for how to handle both success and failure. Bemoaning AND celebrating outcomes can become an exercise in self-indulgence, which can be harmful regardless of which sides win.

Psychologist Bert Hellinger puts it better than I ever could. This is his poem, called “The Players.”

The declare themselves
Opponents.
Face to face
They play
On one common board
With many figures,
And complex rules,
Move for move,
The ancient Game of Kings

Each sacrifices
Many pieces
In their game,
And seeks advantage
Until there are no moves to make
And then their match is done

Then, changing sides
And colors,
They begin another round
Of that same Game of Kings 

But whoever plays enough
And often wins
And often loses
Becomes a master

–Of both sides